Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
