Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
