this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
