:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
