what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
