Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
