I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
