So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
