I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
