You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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