My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
