i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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