I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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