You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize