if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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