Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
