I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
