Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
