We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
