Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
