remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
