something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
