My room smells like vodka and shame
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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