Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
