Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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