WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
