; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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