All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
