I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think i have two assholes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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