My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
