I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
