Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The Olympian is in my bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
