I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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