She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
