If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
