Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
