U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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