New low: just hacked my moms facebook
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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