what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He shit in the fireplace
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
