be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
