Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
