wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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