is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
