The maid of honor just puked.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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