Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Randomize
