so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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