Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
