on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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