the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
