I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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