I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
