someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
