question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
