I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
