can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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