we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The best revenge is premature balding
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
