Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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