i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize