This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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