Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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