Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
