Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
