so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
