he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
