Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
