Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
