when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
