apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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