I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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