i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
