im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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